In the wake of the recent flurry of my friends getting married and engaged, I came to realize something that I want to share with you all, Insha'Allah. When we get older I'm sure our friends and our family members make us the center of many conversations where they discuss our "big day" they say we will dance and sing for you and we will have this lavish wedding . For some period of time you are swept away into a day dream where you imagine yourself in that perfect wedding attire, the lights , the camera , people praising you and your husband- to - be swooning when he sees you.
Seems like the ultimate desire for every girl: her own day in the limelight, her day to shine. I too had some crazy fantasy like that but I never got to dwell on it for very long. You might feel like asking me: did something awful happen to me? Or if you are feeling a little "courageous" you will ask me : you do like men, right? Alhamdulillah , lets quell your worries right here. I just came to realize that all our fantasies stem from some idiot box and books written by people many of whom do not understand our values as Muslims . They regularly dish out new lists of "must- have's" and "must-do's" and we blindly follow their lead. One of the biggest distractions I find that girls who reach marriageable age face, well not only us but our parents too is that : we needs to "buy things" for our new life ahead.
Things that money can buy. Things that will beautify her appearance and things that if she doesn't have her in laws will pass snide comments about her and she will forever bring shame to the household. You know what? Those things that we spends months if not years gathering are of no real benefit. If they were then why is that men and women from wealthy homes live miserable married lives? Why is it that you see the newly married girl hurriedly packing her things and filing a divorce while she tried to hide her tear stained face from the rest of the world? They had everything they needed? I mean they checked off every item on the must- have list!
I too tried at one point to look at marriage from the point of view of collecting things to make me feel that whenever my time came I would be ready. But as a dear friend pointed out that more then any material goods that will eventually be bought in due time one needs to have Taqwa to feel truly ready for the phase of life that is marriage. And more importantly Taqwa is needed for every phase of a girl's life whether she just starting out college, university, a job or being considered a possible spouse for someone's son etc..
Let's be real with ourselves and understand that no matter what phase we cross in life there will always be tests. If some "chick flick" or "romance novel" has you believing that when you get married or when you manage to defy and disobey your parents at every turn then you will feel whole or when you are in a relationship with some guy then all of life's problems will fade away . Please, Please Please! Do yourself a favor and don't fall prey to such ideas and misconceptions.
Someone may be reading this and thinking oh so now you want us to be all sad and mopey all the time and lose faith in the goodness of this world? I am not saying that I am saying that when you develop Taqwa: you Fear Allah, your hopes only lie with Allah and you are constantly aware that He Sees you. Then any phase of you life that comes when it intimidates you or upsets you will not have suicidal or evil thoughts because you will know Allah is with you to care for you and help you every step of the way. And by Allah there is no better asset by your side then to have this feeling of Taqwa in your heart , in times of crisis.
So, when you are married and prince charming is always running in late for dinner at home and he isn't exactly in a "charming" mood . You won't find the answers on how to work things out on your latest smart phone and neither will flinging your designer purse at him do either of you any good. Those things will all be a meaningless heap one day that you will leave behind only to face a very empty and unfulfilled existence in this life and the next. May Allah protect from that. Ameen
What a girl really wants is Taqwa , she just hasn't realized it yet.