Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Reflecting on His Mercy



I think when one can truly reflect on their thought process of how they see the world and how they perceive their Creator. Then that can be considered a huge blessing from Allah swt because it allows us to see where our doubts lie and also reveals to us our real feeling regarding expectations and aspirations as Muslims worshiping Allah swt alone.

When I faced a similar situation where my expectation for things to go my way were very high: so high that looking back I think I felt if I didn't get what I wanted or rather deserved then I would be a complete and utter mess and can't move on with my  life. Allah swt knows best and my worst fears came true: I did not get what I wanted but Alhamdulillah I got what I needed in my current circumstances. Initially I was not able to see that and for me to tell you that I got what I needed is an achievement too. Words fall short of the void that was created in my life by the calamity and I don't like to discuss what really happened but I can tell you this: in this trail there was and is and always will be one of the greatest life lessons for me:

We need to be aware of how we view our relationship with Allah swt as compared to the people around us. I think often times we equate or judge or relationship with Allah on similar terms as we do with human beings. In some ways this is completely reasonable because as humans our knowledge of things is based on our experiences to a great extent . So, for someone who has never really given any thought towards having any ties with Allah swt or what it means to be close to Him, naturally that person will look at this relationship in the same way as she would see her relationship with another human being who is close to her e.g her mom or dad or brother etc.

But you know what? Allah swt is closer to us by His Knowledge compared to all those people. When we are in pain the ones we love surround us and offer comfort in the form of hugs, kisses and soft words. Some may give you hope by reminding you that Allah is the Disposer of all affairs,He will give you something better then what you lost. I too experienced something similar. I took comfort in the fact that people understood my pain and were so generous with their love and support for me . But through all of it I couldn't help but notice how during all this time Allah swt knew me better. How He gave me what I needed the most and how openly I could share my pain with Him without having to articulate it into proper words or sentences. I didn't have to pretend in front of Him or hold myself together, because I knew He knew I couldn't.

There would be days when pain would wash over my whole existence like a tidal wave: obliterating everything that came in its way. My pain would overpower reason, sensibility and simple comforts like sleeping and eating . It made me turn to Allah more and I was grateful that I was given the tawfeeq to turn to Him and ask for forgiveness. It also made me ponder that sometimes we focus too much on always receiving something from Allah swt and not on what we are giving for His Sake. What we give up or spend in His Name, it is for our own benefit , we aren't doing Allah any favors, He is the Sustainer the Cherisher. Our relationship with Allah swt may not be a two way street. When He gives us something , We can never even begin to repay Him no words of thanks would ever be enough but even then we should try and acknowledge the blessings we have received from him and its something we often don't do and how appropriately has Allah swt described humans when He said :

Verily, man is extremely ungrateful to his Lord (Surah Al Adiyaat 100 : 6)

I think sometimes we cling too tightly to the fact that we will receive what we know is best from us from Allah swt. We forget that Allah knows best what we are need of and when we don't get what we want its a big blow for our system. If we could just accept that what we didn't receive is also a blessing from Him, even if we cant see it , we should pray that Allah makes us understand the situation in way that our heart accepts that which has been taken from us.

People would tell me that don't ask Allah for this or that just ask Him to give you that which is khair for you. It would make me upset because it made me feel that in some way I am losing hope in Allah that what I haven't received right now will never be mine or He cant give it to me. I say, ask Allah for khair but at the same time do ask for that which is in your heart even though He Understands even before we say it, just to be able to ask for something repeatedly without holding ourselves back is therapeutic and it brings you closer to Allah. Makes you more hopeful in His Mercy and Might.

I also realized that when trails come the void that is created in our lives is the perfect arrangement for us to reflect on ourselves and the relationship we have with Allah . While we also envision His Mercy to be an instance where we are blessed with our deepest wishes and numerous comforts in the form of worldly luxuries. His Mercy also lies in those sleepless nights, illness and grief, it is up to us whether we look beyond the pain and search for His Love or drown ourselves in sorrow never to return to the surface.

It is out of Allah's infinite mercy that people experience His Mercy even when they do not acknowledge His Presence but instead of always focusing on His Mercy we need to see are we committed to being Muslims and worshiping Allah or do we just have this laid back attitude where we shed tears and curl up in a ball and forget to pray thinking Allah is Merciful? May Allah never put us in a trail where we begin to harbor such misconceptions about Him. Ameen

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