So, half of Ramadan is gone and where did this time go ? Only Allah (swt) knows best. I guess each one feels a different emotion knowing that half of the this precious month is gone but one overwhelming feeling that I feel right now is exhaustion and I am not at peace with this emotion. In fact the more it haunts me and makes me want to shorten the length of my spiritual acts the more I want to take a sword and kill it.
I think to myself... why , why why? Am I so exhausted some days wanted to reunite with my bed after Taraweeh and sometimes during Taraweeh.
It is just one month and here I am feeling like I need more then ever to sleep through this blissful and amazing month. I feel ashamed . I do. While I do say that I feel that sometimes when we think of this month I felt that there was this set pattern of worship that all the "practicing" Muslims ought to do. Like no going in the kitchen close to Iftaar time ever and always having this one hour before Iftaar where you make dua and you make dua and you make dua. Well I learnt that no it wont be like that for everyone and more so when the people around you arent so enthusiastic about the month as you are.
And only Allah truly knows the feelings I have about this month, they too vary but the overriding feeling is that there should be less and less regret once this month goes .
I can look at myself and say I tried to make this month matter and be hopeful that Allah will accept our deeds from us because really if we didnt have that hope that what are we hoping for we might slump back to bed and not bother with any extra worship .
Does this month ask too much from us? With the heat and the fatigue and the hunger? I would say that is life. Sometimes life asks too much from us , people ask too much from you wanting you to be everything and do everything and out of your overriding sense of love for them we turn our lives around and try to be what they want us to be . If this month is particularly hard for you find yourself stressing out about the Taraweeh prayers you lead or attend where your attention falters and your mind goes blank. Know that that is your test from Allah and don't go through this test feeling awful just keep coming back and keep trying , don't give up! This month does ask too much but coupled with Allah's infinite Mercy we pull through and our lives and our Aakhirah can change forever! Here is your chance! Seize it !