Thursday, May 2, 2013

Uncertainity to Certainity

What does one tell themselves when a big part of their life is taken away from them, not a loved one but more like everything they hold familiar. A routine they have grown into for the past four years and suddenly the 4 year journey ends and that routine that you grew up with leaves you. There are no more classes to prepare for just a few exams and that is the end of university. It seems like a big change to me.
A change I don't think I am ready for. I feel like I have lost a second home but at the same time I am relieved that the stress of university education is behind me something I had been looking forward to since the semester began and the end is almost in sight. Insha'Allah. I question how competent the university experience has made me how better of am from when I started. And if I am completely honest with myself there are many things I can look back and say I could have done differently but those very experiences taught me to make better choices, to value my morals more and above all to gain closeness to Islam.
I can definitely say that university life made me more tolerant and as it draws to a close it is still opening my eyes to issues that we are facing internally and externally as an Ummah.But most importantly its about I am facing my own demons and confronting my own some what warped thought process that stops me for living a completely fulfilling life here on Earth. I used to easily get offended when the class discussions were steered towards religion mostly Islam, calling people "empty vessels" when they spoke of religion in a way that was full of misconceptions or a weak understanding of its injunctions. But looking back I think even participating in those debates where the other person was not even ready to listen to you was pointless because at the end of the day you realize that I cannot hope to change every one's mindset by trying to get my point across in a one sided debate but what I can do and am responsible for is to be well informed about the world around me and to be sure of what I believe in. That , I believe is the most important tool that any Muslim student can give themselves. As for me have I got this gift on my side. Well, I cant say I have it 100% but I can certainly say that I have a better understanding of what I don't know and what little I do know has given me the confidence and strength to face to challenges inside the university walls and I am certain that those challenges are even bigger when you step out into the real world but with Allah's help I am certain if my intention is to please Him Alone I can face them. 
So many walk into the university feeling uncertain and lost , I was one of them. And so many walk out feeling even more lost and uncertain I am yet to determine whether I can completely relate to such people but for now I can say that I am not walking out with a closed mind and blind eyes. It true that my eyes see more negativity then positivity in the world that I am about to set foot in but at the end of the day no amount of tantrums, tears and anxiety attacks can save you from facing this negativity. You have to leave the shelter of air conditioned classrooms and the kind and loving embrace of you parents and loved one to face the world ahead its just the way its meant to be , Insha'Allah.It overwhelms you to think that you are about to take such a big step in your life but life is not meant to have consistency so upheavals are a part of life. through these upheavals I have learnt so much about what I don't want for myself and I am still reconciling between others expectations and Allah's expectations but I am desperate for fulfilling Allah's expectations first. To me that seems like a dream come true. 
Allah please I beg you make this dream come true. Make me how You would Love to see me . Ameen



    1. Jazakillah khair for the soup recipe sis .... :)thanks for stopping by