Monday, February 18, 2013

Doesn't need a title

You Don't get to make my decisions for me
You Won't get to lead my by the finger and show me the way
You may think you know whats best for me and I don't doubt that you do.
Let me figure out whats best for me even if you don't feel its okay.
There is this unspoken silence between us
Almost Everything is left unsaid
You scold me
Then you call me back and hold me
Don't try and control me!
Sometimes I wonder why you behave the way you do.
Sometimes your absolutely civil and a pleasure to be around
Other times I feel disgusted , upset and hurt.
I doubt I will treat you like an acquaintance , I doubt you will ever be my best friend
I don't want you to be a stranger
Can we be family instead?
Families don't have to always fit in
Families don't have to always have to understand
Families can always have their distance yet still care.
Its not easy to let go
to think that we will all will have to go away
to be apart ....
To be left with the yearning of wanting to say all that was never said
Sometimes I think you don't love me and I don't love you
but how can that ever be true?
You have been there for me through and through, shouldn't I be there for you too?
Words fail me , gestures can't seem to compensate for that
I just want to be able to tell you I love you and even though I do, it never seems like enough
We will always have our differences
A heated argument on a cold winter's day
Hushed up words of disapproval
A stifled sob and
A clenched jaw
Maybe our relationship wasn't meant to be easy. maybe it was always meant to be a bit hard
Maybe that is our test
Maybe someday it won't be this way
Lets not think of what the future holds
Lets think of where to start
I know I didn't figure you out the first 100 times
But there is hope I'll learn next time.
And I do think I am learning , learning to figure you out.
You have that air of mystery, that look that leaves me in awe
I admit I am scared of you and I think you are a bit wary of me too
Its okay if we don't have all the answers
as long as we stay family everything will be okay
Just don't let your anger sever us apart
I love you and I know now matter what you love me too.

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